So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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