if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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