I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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