guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
