Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
