life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
