How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
