Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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