I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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