pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
