I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize