Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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