Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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