There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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