Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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