im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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