I wish I only lived at night.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
