So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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