i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
