So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
