When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
