You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize