you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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