He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize