Dual....:-)
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
