im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
