please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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