On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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