gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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