Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize