I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I cockslap morals
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
