My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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