Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
