I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
