actually, I'm a sock model
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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