I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I am mentally ready for anal.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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