So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
