No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I am available for nakedness
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
