just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
