It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
