so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
