chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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