so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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