I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
