I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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