I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
