I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
