His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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