Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Randomize
