I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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