shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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