Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Shame - the story of my life.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
