Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
