just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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