A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
