So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
