Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We smell like vodka and hangover
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