you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
