Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
