her vagine was all disorganized.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
