Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
