at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
