No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
so much tequila, so little girl.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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