Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
