and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize