4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
