I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
