Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
