it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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