She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
