it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
